Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
