Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
