No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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