My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
