When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's just like the Real World with babies
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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