I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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