how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
