I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
