her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
