no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
