so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sorry my hands just texted you
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
