I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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