If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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