Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
