Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
