the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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