I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
