I accidentally had phone sex last night
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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