he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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