He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
