**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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