yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
