We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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