hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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