You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
