I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
