yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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