btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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