i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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