I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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