it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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