I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
