Apparently you make a good broom.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
