shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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