There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We're too hungover to prance.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
