it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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