I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
