so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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