he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
