Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
