i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
