By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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