she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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