nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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