Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My pussy is not your playground.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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