i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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