i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize