I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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