Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
