question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
