I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Watching her eat just hurts me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
