I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
