well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
