hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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