i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
