I don't think brook has ever known best
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
