Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
