I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
