Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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