If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
