like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
