Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
