It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
